does anyone have a ny real good advice on how to get over a breakup from experience, not the usual it takes time or spend time with family. I need more than that, thanks :) xBreakup, advice on how to get over someone?
Hi sweetheart, I strongly recommend this book:
It's Called A Break-up Because It's Broken'; :http://www.amazon.com/Its-Called-Breakup鈥?/a>
It is extremely helpful. It is better to read it when you are READY to move on though. Otherwise, visit this forum:
http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forumdisp鈥?/a>
If you are truly ready to move on, buy the book. If you can't afford it, I'll quickly outline why it'll help. The book is split into 2 halves; the break-up and the break-over. The break-up half deals with the break-up of the relationship and gives you harsh but honest answers. You have to accept what they tell you because although sometimes ugly, the truth is reality. The 2nd half will make you feel a hell of a lot better. The breakover half deals with you moving on with YOUR life and it is a lot of fun and comforting to read.
The breakover half advises you to follow 7 rules to help you to recover:
1) No contact for at least 60 days. This means no facebook stalking, blocking on messenger, no accepting contact from his end etc. NOTHING. Cold turkey. And this in my personal experience is actually the one thing you HAVE to do because it honestly is the only way to save yourself.
2) Get yourself a ';break up buddy';- someone who is willing to support you and be there for you when you feel low, someone who'll stop you from reaching out to your ex when you feel the urge.
3) Get rid of his stuff and everything that reminds you of him - the really special things that you'll want to look at in 10 years time; box them and put them in the attic. Don't you dare look at them till you're 100% over the ex. There's no point in torturing oneself. Change your surroundings , rearrange the furniture so it looks different as opposed to ';so empty without him';.
4)GET MOVING - get active, exercise, do something fun everyday. This point doesn't really need explaining why it'll help
5) Don't wear your breakup out into the world - play your poker face. Cry in private. Don't leave the house in anything you wouldn't want to run into your ex wearing. They make nice, sexy tracksuits for lazy days.
6) NO BACKSLIDING ; no going back, no ';one last kiss'; and no ';one last round of breakup sex.'; If you've experienced a relapse you will know exactly why backsliding is a huge mistake. Don't do it. Do not be a dog and settle for scraps,
7) Learn to put yourself first : when you develop love for yourself, and TRUE love, not just ';meh I'm allright I suppose.'; This is when you find happiness. You don't find it in a lover; you find it in yourself first. Self-love is the cake, a lover is frosting. This is essential. This breakup is not just the breakup of a relationship, it is a chance to become the person you have always wanted to be. Do not waste the opportunity to transform. Think of a beautiful, sexy, sleek, powerful Lhamborgini. This is you. Your ex and the relationship is mud, dust and dirt coating that beautiful car in filth. Let go off the coating of crap that is clouding you, and let yourself shine.Breakup, advice on how to get over someone?
Walk out of your heartache, knowing that you have done all that you can do, said all that you can say, and given as much as you can give. When you feel that you did your part as best you could, but he or she didn't meet you halfway, then you will not need to torture yourself with ';what-ifs';.
Remember that your ex may be trying to get over you, as well. Be sensitive to that, and keep your distance. If you've decided to stop seeing one another, do just that: stop.
Sometimes it helps to listen to music that matches your feelings because you have stored up grief that needs a trigger to help you release it. But beware of wallowing. After a certain point, you're not helping yourself by going through it all again and again with the sad songs. Stephen Sondheim reminds us in his song ';Into the Woods';: ';Into the woods and out of the woods and home before dark!'; You can think of the grieving part of your process as ';the woods';: you may have to ';go there';, but you definitely shouldn't live there.
Remember those old catch phrases: ';What doesn't kill you makes you stronger';, ';Everything happens for a reason';, ';There are other fish in the sea'; and most of all, ';This too shall pass';. When you go through a breakup or some other emotionally challenging time in your life, you're actually getting closer to finding real happiness because you are getting to know your true inner self. This may or may not include other romantic relationships or an eventual long-term union. Whatever happens is okay, no matter what you choose to do in life.
As simple as this sounds, be clear to yourself that you are actually breaking up. Too often the thoughts of possibly being back together will creep in, distracting you from the work of healing. Such fantasizing gradually eats at you and destroys your emotional well being. Accept the truth of your situation, and commit to it.
If your ex has left you for another person then ask yourself: if s/he said s/he wanted you back, would you really want him or her? Would you ever trust him not to break your heart again? Would you be hurt, angry, distrustful when he is 10 minutes late calling you, wondering where she is, who he is with? Though you may believe that the answer to all your prayers would be a reconciliation with your ex, if it did happen, you might find that Mr. Spock from Star Trek was right when he said ';You may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.';
Freedom from fear is what you get when you end a relationship with a cheater. Sometimes the most liberating phase of a post-betrayal breakup is the sudden realization that you are no longer sitting at home waiting for a phone call, spending the evening obsessively searching for evidence of an affair, or just imagining what might be going on behind your back - you're done with all that! The one deserving person you need to take care of now is yourself, and it is so much easier to relax and just love yourself when you're not in constant fear. Count this as a gigantic blessing!
Keep your dignity. Many times, it's our own ego that causes the pain; we feel rejected and deceived, embarrassed. We doubt our self worth and adequacy. A breakup, especially one in which your partner has cheated on you, can really undermine your self-confidence and shake your self-esteem to the core. Help rebuild your inner stability by impressing yourself with accomplishment - volunteer, take a class, do things that remind you of your value as a person.
Remember that this pain just has to be survived. It takes a season of time to heal, like a broken arm - there is no magical, instant cure or relief. You won't die from it, though you may feel like you will for a time. Endure. Eventually you will feel better, the pain will lessen, and you will be able to love again.
This one can't be repeated enough: It's a good time to try something new. Try a new hobby, a style, a sport. It'll keep you going and moving on and if your brain is circling endlessly, obsessing on the details of your pain, learning something new will interrupt the repetitive cycle. Those dusty,rusty old gears need some fresh air and polish!
If you find yourself compulsively checking your ex's myspace, Facebook, or any other social networking profile, help yourself out and use the Firefox extension, blocksite, which allows you to block the URL to that profile. Sometimes it also helps to take them off your 'Friends' list, or 'de-friend' them, at least for a while. Even if things ended on a clean slate, it can be too painful to see what the other person is up to.
Your partner has a right to choose to be or not to be with you. Respect the decision. If your partner digs at you again, do behave with dignity. Taking the high road may be hard now, but you'll be glad later that you didn't stoop to the gutter, even though you could have.
Every day, find something that will make you smile. Smiling really helps, even at the worst time
sometimes i think we find it harder to get over someone than we should because we dont want to get over them. cos we still care about them and cant let them go.
try to make a decision to do this for yourself if you feel like that. go out with friends and enjoy yourself if you can and they are willing to take you. try not to go on about your ex all the time with mates tho as they can switch off or get fed up. talk to them about it only if youre in dire need or they ask you, and even then keep it as short as you can.
if seeing your ex hurts you then dont. dont go to the same places for a while if poss, or dont look at their facebook prof..delete them if necessary. try a change of scene. go on a trip somewhere where theres no memories or anything to remind you.
have a good cry when you need to but allow yourself to laugh to. is your ex letting you get over them - ie leaving you alone? if so make the most of that. if theyre not, or if theyre purposely upsetting you and rubbing your nose in the fact that its ended, dont retaliate. take yourself away from those situations as much as possible.
be kind to yourself and tell yourself that whatever went wrong and whoevers to blame, something good is always in the future and you WILL feel better eventually. Good luck x
keep yourself busy and go out partying with your friends. try and forget about that person, however hard it may be. speak to different guys/girls and maybe go on a few dates to try something new, and you may find someone else. good luck cx
There's no real advice, except time itself. You can either give it sometime or you can keep on being depressed over it. In either case you'll get over it after a while eventually.
