Atheists and agnostics and well anyone I guess?

How do you find the strength within yourself to get over a bad breakup of someone that you loved deeply? I was with him for 7 years since I was 16. He's been the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. About a year ago he strangled me to the point that I actually passed out. I left him, but I wasn't strong enough to stay away. I'm just asking how do I find the strength to not go back? Anyone's welcome to answer, but please, No scriptures. Thanks.Atheists and agnostics and well anyone I guess?
you find the strength by reading what you just wrote





'; He's been the best and worst thing that ever happened to me ';


now think about that ... what has he given you in your life apart from the negative parts


we all take something from a relationship .. even when it ends .. we learn from it .. we get stronger


an ended relationship is never a failure if you have taken from it


what have you taken sweetheart ?


will you ever let a man treat you this way again ?


will you know real love when you find it ?


will you encourage your children in years to come to be strong individuals and raise them not to hurt others ?





of course you have taken much from this ... let this help you through xxxx


love to youAtheists and agnostics and well anyone I guess?
If have self respect and self love, you do not need him. If he truly loved you, he would have never laid a hand on you. You are strong to leave in the first place. Find you inner strength and fight that desire to go back. I must assume that since you asked for Atheist or Agnostic help, you probably don't want to hear any say '; ask God for guidance';. Well, the choice is yours. Personally, I would ask a higer power (Jesus) for help in my situation, but I feel that you can be strong on your own. If not, seek some help were you feel most comfortable.
Do scriptures upset you? I'm sorry for what happened, but many people in times of despair turn to scripture, and it changes their life for the better.





I guess you'll just have to wait it out. Otherwise, turn toward scripture yourself, see what happens! Most people are recommended to start in the book of Matthew, or Philippians...
He strangled you? And your considering going back? Why? Ask yourself really, is it out of love, or habit or fear? If he tried to strangle you do you really believe he loves you? Do you think he might assault you again? Its not strenght you need to leave him its strenght you need to break the habit of life connected to him - but if he treats you like this LEAVE - NOW. If you stay, do you think things will improve? If not, LEAVE NOW. Find someone new (it's not easy, but not impossible) who will respect you. There really are good men out there, but you will never find them tied to this abuser.
You just need to be smart enough to say ';no';. I don't have any experience with your problem (other than being a jerk guy when I was younger, though not physically) but I have needed will power for other issues in my life.





Don't forget what you are leaving. you know, this is all a good argument for dating more than one person in your life.





You could find some kind of a support group. That is all a church is. Talking to other people that have been through the same thing might help you. or maybe you could volunteer a few hours a week at a women's shelter and see if you can get anything out of it too.
Will power. Remind yourself of all the harm he's caused, all the happiness he's kept you from while you were with him, all the freedom and possibilities that are now open to you. Don't think of this as a regretable break-up... think of it as a liberating one. You've admitted that it was a very bad situation, that he strangled you. Don't look back at a relationship like that with fondness. Try not to let the good times influence your perception. Try not to allow the few pleasant memories to make you forget the pain.





It's good to move on to greener pastures. It's good to live your life with your eyes open and looking ahead, not over your shoulder. Remind yourself that you ARE worth something, that you DO deserve happiness, that you WILL find real contentment with a genuinely good person and not the facade you'd been stuck in until now.
find someone else to be with..you will get over him....tell him hes not good enough for you....
I say this: he was a no-good, dirty, lying, cheating scoundrel who doesn't deserve me he did this *insert horrible thing here* and this *again horrible* and this *horrible* etc....about 10 times. Then I remember how he was good, and I say ';he was only trying to use me. He is a horrible person who doesn't deserve this girl, and he's not going to get her.';





Then I go cry in the shower.





Then I start over at the beginning





Then I write a nice poem about lost love





Then I burn it.





Then I start all over again until it works.





Good luck.





():-D


shadowgirl
Luckily I've never had to deal with a problem quite like this. But, like anyone, I have been in quite depressing situations sometimes. As an atheist with no God to find hope in, I can use logic: Logic dictates that anything is possible (just not necessarily probable), so there's a good chance that no matter how bad things are at any one moment, they'll get better in the future. And of course, the worse they are, the better the chances of them improving more quickly.
It's hard to leave a man that you are addicted to. He will only hurt you and it will never get better. I know I learned the hard way. Try to think of others, I know it sounds stupid but if you start doing and helping others the view of your own situation changes. You really need to do this to move on. Then you will never be haunted by him again.
You are very young ... guys are like buses, realise that it will be ';nothing'; for another to come along ... the ';strangling'; is a major ';no';... any man treating you as beneath should be unacceptable ... Work on your own selfimage, and know that you are worthy of much, much better ...
Honey, that's why we are supposed to have God in our lives and in our marriages.





That's the single best way to know that no matter how much crap you go through or who says what; you are worth more than that and you deserve better than that.





Otherwise you end up listening to the world that wants to attack you and what you know to be right in your heart.





You are worth more than that and you do deserve better than that.





Do you know why?





Because God doesn't make crap.....and you are not crap.





I wish I could give you a hug but I guess I'll just have to make do with giving you a cyber-hug.





I hope you won't be offended if I pray for you.





I will pray for your boyfriend too because if he has already hurt you than he can do a lot worse than that to you.





I'm a cop and I've seen it happen time, time, time, time and time again.





Please, stay away from him for your own safety and the sanity of your family and all those who love you.





If you allow him to hurt you again (and guarenteed, if he's done it once he WILL hurt you again) then you are also allowing him to hurt everyone around you too.





And aren't they worth more than that?
You've got to make dates with yourself ... invite a few friends if you want (but not necessary). Take this time to evaluate who you are. What do you have available to you now ... were do you want to be in the future --- write it down. Instead of telling yourself, 'I can't believe it's over' change this thought/ words to ';What a great beginning I have'; --- remember, every ending is just a new beginning.





How to avoid falling back. Well, break up's happen because somethings broke. Unless you BOTH can fix what's broke, then you're wasting your time. Ah, also, too many of us set unreal expectations onto our loved ones. When we do this, we are just setting our loved ones up for failure. If you truly loved him then you would not set him up for failure. Warning this may make you want to lower your wants %26amp; needs --- when you lower your standards, you just end up making everyone around you misserable. This is why it's BROKE. Sounds like you've already come to peace with it being broke.





Always remember this : ';Love is patient; love is kind. Love is not jealouos, it does not put on airs, it is not snobbish. Love is never rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not prone to anger; neither does it brood over injuries. Love does not rejoice in what is wrong, but rejoices with the truth. There is no limit to love's forbearance, to its trust, its hope, its power to endure'; %26lt;Corinthians%26gt; (Sorry, it's scripture, but I find it so beautiful %26amp; true).
You might try finding someone else, quick -- even if it's not serious -- just to help get your mind off the other one.
It's difficult because I don't know much about your situation, but I would just try to think about what it is that is holding you from moving on. Most likely you are going to be able to find that same thing in someone else. There has to be something that you like about this person that's keeping you around him. You don't deserve to be treated like that. You say that he's been the best thing and the worst thing that has happened to you, but that is just up until this point in your life. Tell yourself that he is a stepping stone and that you can find someone who will make you say ';Wow, that last guy never came close to being the best thing in my life';. Whatever you do, good luck to you. From what I've seen of you on Y!A, you are a really smart woman!
God ain't gonna help you, anyway. Find a support group. There are resourses for battered women and they will provide you with the help you need. Better to be strong now and stay away then be dead, right?
No personal experience of this kind of thing, but perhaps you could try to put yourself in the position of someone - maybe a close friend or relative - who cares deeply about you. How would they view the relationship? Try to look at it from another perspective, not your own. Then you might be able to see the best course of action.
you must remember that you are your own person, with your own life, and NO ONE has the right to take that away from you. seek support from your loved ones, and possibly from professionals, and remember you are a wonderful person with many woderful attributes, nd you are better off without him. you don't need him to be whole, there is so much more.
You come to understand that ';This too shall pass.';





Grieving a loss as a natural occurrence and you will get over it. The best thing is to occupy yourself with other activities until you can finally accept the loss.





There is no easy way to do it and each person is different. Keep focused on the future and don't dwell on the past, or, what might have been.





Been there, done that.





Just hang in there, it will get better.





I promise.
You've made your decision, and now you need the support to stick to it. Find a ';mantra'; like ';I'm better off without him than I am with him,'; or ';I might think I still love him, but it is toxic love - like cigarettes or alcohol or too much sugar,'; or ';No - I'm done - we are not together and never will be again.'; The further you get away from the relationship, the more you will emerge as who you are as an individual. The hardest thing will be to stop kicking yourself for staying with him for so long. When you START saying, ';Why did I let myself stay in that mess?'; you are almost to the top of the mountain. Keep saying it - keep staying away - and visualize walking over the top of the mountain until it is all downhill! You can do it -- it took me 2 years to get out of a long-term bad habit, and now I just shake my head. It's so wonderful on the healthy side! Good Luck, girl.
';He's been the best and worst thing that ever happened to me.'; -- There is a spot to start - find another man. Just blow the doors off another guy and leave him (or not) and this should reduce the memories of your ONLY guy. Take all pictures and stuff and box them up. Mark do not open (or trash 'em.)


Can you move very far away from his circle of influence?


If you can move comfortably, to an area he does not know - then you can and will build new memories.


No amount of moving will help - because he must be tight with your family, and can get your address and phone number - so of course your concerned for your safety.


I told a dancer that - she can't leave her guy either - because she loved him, even if he treated her badly, (he told her to go dance nude for more $ Sad? I don't know.)





So few can help you because you love him.





I'd suggest never contacting anyone you know, move, but who can really do that. People need their family. People are dying here in SF because they return to the hood and are spotted by the bad guys and are killed. Few can resist the pull to return home, or their hood - and pay for it.


I hope there are better answers because I can't come up with the words. Sorry. Maybe I helped a little?
You may be feeling lonely, but aloneness is so different -- something I prefer.





Your identity involves him to some degree. You've done this, you can undo it. Such undoing takes some doing, so if you want... contact me @ centaur1122 on Yahoo! Messenger.
all that you can do is take time. and keep busy, even if you do not feel like doing anything, go out with friends and stay in the company of friends as much as possible, avoid conversation about him and romance in general.





sorry but there really isnot good advise to be given on this subject.
Stay with friends and or family and have them support you in your decision. Blessed be.
my heart goes out to you for your breakup and all i can do is try and be a good friend to you in your time
Is he controling? You, of all people here on yahoo questions seem to have a level head and strong willed. Just remember, you DON'T need him. In our society women are equals with men and are to be treated as such.You deserve more in this life then to be someone's vent.





Everyone is suggesting that you find a new guy to date. If you were to do so be careful, psychologists say that victims of abuse are unknowningly attracted to abusers and end up dating more abusers. i suggest instead hanging out with friends, letting time heal your pain, and avoiding him. i hope the best for you.
I would like your definition of love really.





To me love means understanding and in order my dreams to be understood, one must hear them. Then I hear my partners dreams and we find similarities. Along those dreams we know we only have us and our dreams and our ability to make them happen, that should not include pain to each other. That is betrayal to the dream to love.


Anyways, you look exactly like my mom when she was your age. Seriously, it's cool
Take a good long look in the mirror and see that the person looking back at you is too good to be with a piece of crap like that. You're a strong woman who doesn't need a man in her life to feel whole. Take the trash out and let the self-love in.
Seek professional help.
Wow that's a tough one. Unless you are there due to financial reasons (i.e. your leaving him would mean you would have to go to a homeless shelter, live on the streets, etc) it's going to be hard for most people to relate. Still, I think the primary reason you stay is that somehow you have accepted the idea that you are not to be valued or that you deserve to be treated like a $5 crack-head prostitute. I've been there so I'm not judging you AT ALL. Leaving an abusive guy is hard as hell. Everyone wants to know ';why doesn't she just leave?!'; people rarely say ';Why is this creep abusing his woman then begging to get her back? what a loser!'; It's like they don't see his manipulation of her, they have no idea that by the time it turned physical he had broken her down mentally to the point that she felt she deserved it somehow or was lucky to have him. Everyone loves to talk about how they would ';NEVER'; allow this to happen...yeah right. I would suggest you call a hot line for women who know exactly what you are going through. They are very kind and do not push you. They are there to listen and give you resources. The number is 1-800-799-7233 and I think it's national. Also try http://www.ncadv.org/ which is their website. Since according to the FBI the leading cause of death to American Women is being beaten/attacked by a man that they are in a relationship/marriage with it's important that you keep reaching out like you are. Hope this helped a bit. Take good care.
Try to let your friends or family help you get thru it. I suggest joining a counseling group for battered women. That away you have the help of people who have been there and experienced the same things you have. Tell your self you deserve much better then him, and you are going to better yourself by staying away from him.