Friday, August 20, 2010

How do I break up with someone who would take a breakup extremely hard?

I'm together with my fiancs that I really care for. I made a promise to stay with her because I thought it would work. Unfortunately, now I know it won鈥檛. She鈥檚 lazy, doesn鈥檛 drive, doesn鈥檛 work, not independent, and has anxiety problems. Worse, my entire family doesn鈥檛 want me to continue the relationship, so I know it鈥檚 best to end it. She鈥檚 going to take the breakup extremely hard. She has fallen deeply I love for me and thinks I鈥檓 the only one for her. A long time ago, I told her the relationship might not work and she tried to kill herself. How should I break up with her so she鈥檚 least hurt?How do I break up with someone who would take a breakup extremely hard?
First off you are doing the right thing. If you know it's not going to work you have to end it, the sooner the better. You can't stay in relationship because you are worried about the emotional health of the other person, it's really unhealthy and unfair to both of you. You can't lessen the hurt. The best thing to do is get right to the point and be strong and stay consistent in your message. It's like a bandaid, just rip it off don't draw it out. You obviously care for her and will be tempted to be drawn back in trying to help her. Keep in mind you can鈥檛 help her through the breakup, you most likely will only make it worse. She needs to find emotional support from sources other then you. Make sure she has as much of her support network around as possible, call her friends or family and let them know she needs them right now. You are going to be walking a difficult line between not being cruel and abandoning her and making sure you鈥檙e not being pulled back in. Stay strong, try to be as objective as possible and not react emotionally and remember to bring in her friends and family as much as possible to help. You鈥檒l get through it and be better off in the long run. Good luck.How do I break up with someone who would take a breakup extremely hard?
Tell her that you've become a monk, and can't have sex any more.
There's no ';good'; way to do it, but prolonging it will only hurt her more. If she's a danger to herself, she needs help. There's also the possibility that she's severely depressed and she can't cope with the outside world. About 3 years ago, I went through something like that, and ended up having to commit myself to a local mental health facility for a couple of weeks. My marriage nearly fell apart, and it was a long time before we were ';okay'; again, but all is well now.





If your fiancee has a similar problem, the first thing she needs to do is admit there's a problem and get help. Find out if this is the case before you break it off. There may be a really great person inside her that just needs help to surface.
You need to get yourself out of that relationship. You are not her social worker. Let as many people in her sphere of influence know that you are going to do it and when. Then her friends or family or whoever can be there to console her. Good luck.
Since she has anxiety problems, then she must be seeing a doctor, well you may have to tell her doctor. And you have to be honest with her. And tell her, that it is just not working out. And it has nothing to do with her, it is me! I need to move on with my life. And I want you to just go on with your life, and wish her well! See if you can talk to her Mother, or family member, and tell them that they need to watch her!
If you don't love her, break up and let her family members and friends know so that they can help take care of her. She also needs professional help with depression and anxiety.
Make it quick, sever all ties with her and her family. Basically you should just disappear after you tell her.
The harsh truth is: I don't think you should break up with her... At least not yet, anyway. She may not be the one for you, but if this is going to lead to suicide, there's got to be other options. Maybe you could break up with her at the same time you introduce her to another wonderful sweetie.
Just leave her, if she shows signs that shes suicidal inform her ahead that you will not be there during her funeral.lol !
She is obviously very comfortable where she is at. She may using suicide as a tool to get you to stay with her. If so, that is just wrong. I would go away and disappear quietly. This gal needs to be taking herself and not depending on you. She is co-dependent on you. There is no easy way to brreak-up with someone and it not hurt--she will be just fine and if she threatens suicide--brother that's her choice by her own hand--not yours.
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